WWKRD Political Corner

WWKRD would like to introduce a new segment, the WWKRD Political Corner. And while it is not the mission of this blog to choose sides, or bicker over 'who wants this' and 'he said that', it should be noted that yours truly has come up with a solution that would serve the best interests of the entire nation. Democrats, Republicans, Independents, Greens, Whigs, etc.

"Bryant, what is the solution?" you eagerly ask. "I can hardly contain myself - is there really a political tandem that could serve all my interests, as well as the interests of all my opposite-minded fellow citizens?"

"Why yes, there is" I say.

Clint Eastwood for President, and Kurt Russell for VP.

"Sweet holy mother of pearl," you say, as you retrieve your jaw from the floor. "Genius!"

Genius indeed. Imagine the reactions of Kim Jong Il and his cohorts when Dirty Harry and Snake Plissken enter the nuclear arms summit, throw their boots up on the table, and fire up a smoke.

"Hey there, Short Stack - you sure you want to threaten us with a nuke?" Clint would ask, in that trademark, cool, raspy manner. "Because I'm tempted to just shove that bomb right up your happy, Coke-bottle glasses-wearing ass."

Naturally, Kim Jong Il would cower in fear. Kurt Russell would strongarm the Koreans out the door, and that would be that. According to my calculations, an Eastwood/Russell ticket would produce nuke-free, worldwide harmony in approximately three and a half weeks, with a couple days tacked on for air travel.

"But Bryant, what about the Eastwood/Russell policies? I'm an homosexual, unemployed, paraplegic, single mother of four that makes under $24,ooo a year - surely they can't help me!"

Simple. Just refer to the Eastwood/Russell campaign motto: "Tough shit. Get over it."

Genius. Who would have thought that such a simple formula could solve all the nation's problems.

Had unprotected premarital sex, did you? Popped out a few babies? Probably should've thought about that decision a little bit more, don't you think? But you didn't. And now you want a handout from the government. Well - "Tough shit. Get over it."

Been unemployed for seven years? Still relying on Uncle Sam for your cash flow, which you promptly turn around and cash in at the local liquor mart? No worry - Eastwood/Russell will have your happy tail out looking for a job in no time. How, you ask? Simple - they eliminate welfare - the ultimate luxury of the lazy. "Tough shit. Get over it."

Oppose gun laws and gay marriage, do you? What do you think this is, 1920s Alabama? Eastwood/Russell don't tolerate ignorance. Gun control and gay marriage for everyone.
Oh, what's that? You don't like that idea? Well "Tough shit. Get over it."

Wake up, America. Who wants to vote for candidates with questionable levels of experience, confusing policies, or antiquated bias?

Vote for the duo with nearly a combined century of proven ass-kicking, name-taking, result-getting experience.

Eastwood/Russell '08