Only In America

Having been immersed in Hurricane Ike coverage for several hours now, WWKRD has come to the conclusion that professional athletes should be removed from their pedestals and replaced by on-the-scene weather reporters.

Case in point- The Weather Channel. For years, this network has initiated newb reporters by throwing them into the fire, alone at the mercy of Mother Nature. We've all seen it - helpless saps being pelted by golfball-sized hail, tossed about by tornadoes, drilled by hurricane-force winds...

Will someone please tell us why that isn't worthy of a six-figure salary, but running up and down a field tackling another man is?!

Maybe it's just WWKRD, but consider these hypothetical stat lines for a pro football player and a seasoned weather reporter:

Football Player: 500 career tackles, 3 Pro Bowls, 2 Division Championships, 1 Super Bowl appearance.

Weather Reporter: 18 Hurricanes, 12 tornadoes, 3 tsunamis, 2 earthquakes, 87 direct hail hits taken, zero microphone-related electrocutions

Seems to me like Mr. Weather Reporter puts his brass directly in the face of danger to a considerably more dangerous degree than Mr. Jock, yet where's all the fame and glory?

There isn't any. Why not? Easy...

Money. Mr. Weather Reporter isn't bringing in the green backs like Mr. Jock. Perhaps if there was some sort of corporate-sponsored Weather Reporting League, things would be different. Each network pitting their finest against one another, seeing who could come the closest to death without croaking - it's sort of like bullfighting in a way. Fans across the nation would have fantasy Weather Reporter leagues, tearing their hair out each week for their shot at imaginary accomplishment. Think of the marketing and merchandising potential - being able to buy your favorite reporter's rain slicker, or his/her own line of industrial-strength umbrellas. Hell, how about a Weather Reporter video game?? Hop in the news van and chase the tornado, arrive before the competing network does and get off the first live shot. The revenue projections are mind-boggling.

But alas, there's not much revenue or marketing potential for weather reporters. You'd think that America would latch on to these brave, selfless souls, dedicating their lives to informing and protecting the public. But no, we'd rather cheer on a bunch of brainless oafs and prima donnas, many of whom never finished college, several of whom having lengthy criminal records - a handful who've even been accused of murder.

It's time to wake up, America. It's time to recognize the next generation of heroes. WWKRD salutes you, Mr./Mrs. Weather Reporter.