WWKRD Highly Anticipated Movie Watch

Mel Gibson.

He is one of the greatest actors and directors of our time. His list of credits includes some of the most influential and groundbreaking films ever made.

Mad Max
Lethal Weapon
The Patriot
We Were Soldiers
Apocalypto
The Passion of the Christ
Braveheart

Are you not entertained?

Unfortunately, our man Mel has been kicked to the curb by Hollywood after a few highly-publicized diatribes, highlighted by his anti-semitic rant after a DUI arrest in Malibu and the YouTube sensation that was his secretly-recorded pillow talk with Russian babe Oksana CanIBuyAVowelA.

But we here at WWKRD don't give a crap about an artist's personal life. We've all got problems. We'd all love to curse at Jews and Russians. And if our name wasn't Mel Gibson, we'd probably get away with it. Leave the man alone.

As for Mel, he's in desperate need of a box office winner to reclaim his place as a Hollywood A-lister and perhaps diffuse some of his off-the-screen distractions.

He needs a role that will cement his legend. One that will leave audiences breathless, gasping in awe and pure unadulterated wonder at his acting gifts.

There is only one such way to win the crowd. And that, loyal readers, is to wear a beaver on his hand.




Mel Gibson in: "The Beaver"

Coming soon to a theater near you.

WWKRD Man of the Week Award

WWKRD is proud to announce the newest member of the Man of the Week club - Mr. Keenan Cahill.



"Who the hell is that?" you may ask.

In short, Cahill is the latest YouTube sensation, having found the spotlight through a series of awful dance- and lip-synching videos to popular songs, as well as several incrementally worse singing videos to said popular songs.




But WWKRD recognizes the heart and the courage of this little man. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there to the world, especially when it comes to presenting your talents, or lack thereof.

What young Cahill may lack in sex appeal, marketability, and height, he more than makes up for with some astonishingly solid white boy rhythm and some facial expressions that are second to none.

The kid's got charm, and WWKRD can appreciate that.

So here's to you, Keenan Cahill, for keeping it real. You're welcome in our house any time.

Jerk of the Week

With the return of WWKRD comes some new features. One such feature is 'Jerk of the Week', recognizing those who have endeavored to excel and achieve in the field of the asinine.

This week's award goes to Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

Mr. Jones, a fixture in Dallas since his purchase of the team in the late 1980's, has assembled three world championship teams, invested in several hall of famers such as Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith, and built what is easily the most impressive athletic stadium in the world - Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

He has made a shitload of money through shrewd investments both on and off the field.

He is also undoubtedly, unquestionably, 100% certifiably batshit crazy.

With the Cowboys off to an incomprehensibly awful 1-7 start, Jones finally made the difficult decision to fire head coach Wade Phillips, who in his own right may very well be a Jerk of the Week in the near future.

But the onus here is on Jones, who has managed to side-step all blame for his involvement in team operations and routinely deflect the criticism on his staff and the players.

It should be stated that Jones is notorious for selecting draft prospects and free agents by hand, regardless of the actual needs of his team, and in spite of questioning from his head coach and advisors.

Jones has grown so giddy over the financial prospects and entertainment value of his 'world' that he has stuffed his oily, grubby mitts into the cookie jar so far that they've become stuck.

And as a result, his team has quickly fallen from grace into the cold, dank cellar of the NFC East and the National Football League itself.

Simply stated - the Dallas Cowboys are a joke.

So, Mr. Jerry Jones, we here at WWKRD would like to say to you: You're a Jerk.

Get over yourself. The fans in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex are some of the most passionate in the league. They have tasted titles and greatness, long before you and your traveling circus rolled into town. Roger Staubach and Tom Landry and the like certainly didn't need your shenanigans to get the job done.

It's time for you to weigh what must be an impossible decision, Mr. Jones:

Do you want to put a winning team on the field and step down from the limelight - leaving football decisions to football experts?

Or do you want to hog the spotlight and find new and inventive ways to obtain cash with which to wipe your botox-elasticized bum?

Think long and hard, Jerry. The choice must be awfully hard for you, but for those who truly love the team, it's a no-brainer.

WWKRD knows what it would do.

Back From Sabbatical

We here at WWKRD are excited to be back up and blogging after a much-needed year off.

We'd like to reiterate our committment to bringing you the finest and most entertaining thoughts on the decline of masculinity, the absurdities of the douchebag culture, and various other odds and ends from around the globe.

As the blog's name suggests, no man better exemplifies the sensibilities and macho badassedness of WWKRD than Mr. KR himself, Kurt Russell.

So with our heroic leader in mind, let the madness resume.

WWKRD Man of the Week Award

This week's award goes to none other than Mr. Woody Harrelson, Hollywood leading man, television's favorite bartender, crazy pothead, hippie vegan, and zombie fighter. 

Woody is probably best known for his role as Woody Boyd on the hit sitcom 'Cheers.' He was nominated for five Emmy awards, winning once in 1989. He later broke into feature films with 'White Men Can't Jump' and 'Money Train', co-starring with convicted felon Wesley Snipes.  Woody became an A-lister and starred in films like 'Indecent Proposal', 'Natural Born Killers', 'Kingpin' , and 'The People vs. Larry Flynt.' 

But it's Mr. Harrelson's off-camera exploits that have earned him this week's honor. Because frankly, Woody Harrelson doesn't give a shit. 

In 1983, he was arrested for disorderly conduct for dancing in the street and disrupting traffic. He would later leap out of his police transport, laughing maniacally, and proceed to punch one of the arresting officers in the face, knocking him to the ground.

He is a self-proclaimed former sex addict, was once arrested for planting hemp seeds in Kentucky - a defiant act that challenged the state's marijuana laws, and even climbed the Golden Gate Bridge to protest a lumber conglomerate. 

But it's Harrelson's most recent brazen act that has vaulted him into the upper echelon of WWKRD royalty. Earlier this year, at La Guardia Airport, Harrelson and his daughter were confronted by a rogue paparazzo, who apparently caught Woody at the wrong time. 

Harrelson allegedly pushed the cameraman in the face and damaged his camera, leading to a scuffle that was captured on video. 

And while most men would vehemently deny any wrongdoing, Harrelson admitted that he was simply trying to serve the greater good and prevent catastrophic events from occurring. 

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland', in which I was constantly under attack by zombies...with my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie." 

That, my friends, is damage control at its absolute finest. 

We here at WWKRD salute you, Woody Harrelson, for your contributions to cinema on-camera, and to zombie-prevention off of it. 

 

Lady Looks Like a Dude

At this year's World Track and Field Championships in Berlin, Germany, all eyes have been fixed on Usain Bolt, the freakishly tall and fast Jamaican who has shattered the world records in the 100- and 200-meter dashes.

That was, until this chiseled, handsome young sprinter from South Africa burst on to the scene to obliterate the competition in the women's 800-meter final.

That's right, the women's 800-meter final. Now, we here at WWKRD are not licensed in any sort of medical field, nor have we ever claimed to have practical experience in gender testing, but we have come to the conclusion that Semenya is likely not a woman - at least not totally. 

Could it be possible that the track and field world has seen it's first tranny superstar? It certainly appears possible. 

What's even more amusing is the manner in which track governing body IAAF is handling the situation. A gender test was ordered several weeks ago - a process which inexplicably takes quite some time. 

Reports state that the gender test "takes weeks to complete, requires a physical medical evaluation, and includes reports from a gynecologist, endocrinologist, psychologist, an internal medicine specialist, and an expert on gender."

An EXPERT ON GENDER?? 

We can only imagine the years of study and training one must endure to come to the conclusion that a person owns either a penis or a vagina. We're pretty sure this guy could tell you that in about 10 seconds, and for much less money than the standard IAAF process.

Adding to the hilarity is that gender testing was once required for all female athletes at the Olympics, but was abandoned in 1999 - probably because it doesn't take a team of doctors and scientists to distinguish a shaft and some nuts from a hoo-ha. 

One of Semenya's former teachers had some humorous commentary on the matter:

"She was always rough and played with the boys," said Eric Modiba, head of the Nthema Secondary School. "She never wore a dress. It was only in Grade 11 that I realized she's a girl."

Wow. 

So, even in these modern times of teacher-student affairs and pregnancies, a male instructor didn't know if this person was a dude or a chick. That's certainly not good for one's morale.

We here at WWKRD certainly wish Semenya the best, regardless of the outcome of her test. We hope that she would not manufacture a 'mangina' for the purpose of entering an all-female race and earning international renown. We certainly hope that she wouldn't undergo some sort of tribal castration or Manny Ramirez-like feminine hormone gorging to gain a competitive edge. 

All we can hope is that the truth is revealed, and that it comes in the form similar to that depicted in the film "The Crying Game" - where Semenya, proudly accepting her medal on the winner's stand, lowers his/her drawers, fishes deep betwixt her legs, and produces that which we all know is there (allegedly).

Godspeed, Caster Semenya!

WWKRD Inaugural Man of the Week Award

It's time for the first WWKRD Man of the Week Award, given to those who embody all the integrity and bad-assedness expected of a true man in these harsh times.

The first award goes to none other than Mr. Clint Eastwood, whose no-nonsense awesomeness has stood the test of time for more than a half-century. 

Best known for his Man With No Name Trilogy, Dirty Harry, and his successful exploits as a director, Mr. Eastwood has refrained from rolling over to the trends of sissy boys and demands of Hollywood assholes. Rather, he has produced countless films laden with serious ass-whoopings, blatant exploitation of race and sex roles, giant guns, sweet cars, explosions, babes, and a beer-guzzling chimpanzee. 

And even as he approaches his 80th birthday, Mr. Eastwood continues to kick ass, as evidenced in last year's 'Gran Torino', where he shamelessly beat this shit out of some mouthy, punk Hmongs from the Detroit suburbs and pounded several cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon - because real men don't drink Stella or Blue Moon.

We here at WWKRD salute you, Clint Eastwood, for your contributions to society and your relentless pursuit of kicking sissy boy ass and scoring babes. Huzzah!