I'm Nikki Cox. Remember Me? I used to be hot.

Hide the children!

But seriously, we here at WWKRD are completely deflated to learn that once-beautiful, redheaded goddess of the WB, Nikki Cox, has morphed into a minion of the evil race of botox-riddled, collagen-bloated, eating disorder cases that infect Hollywood and are slowly taking over this once-great nation of natural beauties. Consider this dated photo of this once-stunning Cox:

Now, the WWKRD staff questions the authenticity of Ms. Cox's breasts, however glorious they may be, but needless to say, there was nothing wrong with this woman that warranted her visit to the Joker clinic of plastic surgery.

Sadly, Ms. Cox has faded into anonymity, far from the forefront of the minds of millions of hormonally-charged American teenagers, and deep down somewhere in the catacombs of the WB's video vault, tucked in beside "Sister, Sister" and whatever Steve Harvey show was on at the time.

We here at WWKRD proudly stand at attention and salute the S.S. Cox as she sinks into the depths of the American conscious. Farewell, you once glorious vessel.

Joakim Noah: Social Revolutionary

In the midst of what may turn out to be the most entertaining, unpredictable, and suspenseful NBA Playoffs in recent memory, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah took time out of Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Finals to raise an important issue that in no way relates to basketball:

How come straight people can't say the word "gay" in a derogatory manner, but gay people can say whatever they want?

Now, hold your horses there, WWKRD P.C. Police, it's not what you think. WWKRD is an open-minded, accepting blog that encourages happiness and peace no matter your orientation.

However, with this being the second such offense in the NBA this season, with the first being Kobe Bryant's use of the word "faggot" directed at an official, it makes us wonder about the prevalence of double-standards in this nation that preaches open-mindedness but increasingly cracks down on personal expression.

For example, ponder this hypothetical scenario: A group of homosexual males are playing a game of pickup basketball. One of the player's game is so bad, his fundamentals so poor, his defense so porous, that an opposing player calls him a "pussy lover" or a "box muncher."

Now, obviously, that is a shot at the player's homosexuality, of which he is assumed to be quite proud. It's an insult, and one that some people might find offensive.

Yet, because homosexuality is considered an alternative lifestyle, and heterosexuality the norm, this is not considered a derogatory phrase. In essence, minority groups in this nation have an unspoken free pass to say whatever the hell they damn well want, which WWKRD finds quite perplexing.

What if Joakim Noah was gay? Would he still have been fined $50,000? What if the fan whom the jab was directed was gay? Then Noah's taunt turns into a statement of fact.

It is common knowledge that certain minority groups use "offensive" racial slang amongst themselves, yet outside groups are publicly skewered for even whispering such filth.

WWKRD believes that if you don't want to be called something, you probably shouldn't be calling your peers such things. And your use of the word in public inherently grants others the right to use it as well, free of incrimination and public discipline.

In short, this is the First Amendment. Hundreds of thousands of Americans have given their lives over the centuries to protect our right to say whatever we want. Men and women who stared death in the face with a courage and will that you and I cannot even fathom. How do you think they would feel if told that First Amendment rights are regulated because it might hurt someone's feelings?

We here at WWKRD are pretty sure those folks would tell America to toughen the hell up. It's just a word. Even toddlers are above this sort of thing. "Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words can never hurt me."

Perhaps toddlers should be running our sports leagues and governments. But we digress...

This Noah incident also reflects disciplinary inconsistencies that exist within the NBA itself, where players can cover themselves in tattoos that frequently depict highly profane and/or sexually explicit images, yet this form of personal expression is inexplicably not regulated by the league.

In the aftermath of the Noah incident, we here at WWKRD can only shrug our shoulders. Out of the approximately 1,000 curse words uttered by players during the course of a game, a guy gets punished for that one. So, we say to you, NBA, and David Stern - either eliminate cursing altogether, or just let it go.

WWKRD Highly Anticipated Movie Watch

Mel Gibson.

He is one of the greatest actors and directors of our time. His list of credits includes some of the most influential and groundbreaking films ever made.

Mad Max
Lethal Weapon
The Patriot
We Were Soldiers
Apocalypto
The Passion of the Christ
Braveheart

Are you not entertained?

Unfortunately, our man Mel has been kicked to the curb by Hollywood after a few highly-publicized diatribes, highlighted by his anti-semitic rant after a DUI arrest in Malibu and the YouTube sensation that was his secretly-recorded pillow talk with Russian babe Oksana CanIBuyAVowelA.

But we here at WWKRD don't give a crap about an artist's personal life. We've all got problems. We'd all love to curse at Jews and Russians. And if our name wasn't Mel Gibson, we'd probably get away with it. Leave the man alone.

As for Mel, he's in desperate need of a box office winner to reclaim his place as a Hollywood A-lister and perhaps diffuse some of his off-the-screen distractions.

He needs a role that will cement his legend. One that will leave audiences breathless, gasping in awe and pure unadulterated wonder at his acting gifts.

There is only one such way to win the crowd. And that, loyal readers, is to wear a beaver on his hand.




Mel Gibson in: "The Beaver"

Coming soon to a theater near you.

WWKRD Man of the Week Award

WWKRD is proud to announce the newest member of the Man of the Week club - Mr. Keenan Cahill.



"Who the hell is that?" you may ask.

In short, Cahill is the latest YouTube sensation, having found the spotlight through a series of awful dance- and lip-synching videos to popular songs, as well as several incrementally worse singing videos to said popular songs.




But WWKRD recognizes the heart and the courage of this little man. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there to the world, especially when it comes to presenting your talents, or lack thereof.

What young Cahill may lack in sex appeal, marketability, and height, he more than makes up for with some astonishingly solid white boy rhythm and some facial expressions that are second to none.

The kid's got charm, and WWKRD can appreciate that.

So here's to you, Keenan Cahill, for keeping it real. You're welcome in our house any time.

Jerk of the Week

With the return of WWKRD comes some new features. One such feature is 'Jerk of the Week', recognizing those who have endeavored to excel and achieve in the field of the asinine.

This week's award goes to Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

Mr. Jones, a fixture in Dallas since his purchase of the team in the late 1980's, has assembled three world championship teams, invested in several hall of famers such as Troy Aikman and Emmitt Smith, and built what is easily the most impressive athletic stadium in the world - Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

He has made a shitload of money through shrewd investments both on and off the field.

He is also undoubtedly, unquestionably, 100% certifiably batshit crazy.

With the Cowboys off to an incomprehensibly awful 1-7 start, Jones finally made the difficult decision to fire head coach Wade Phillips, who in his own right may very well be a Jerk of the Week in the near future.

But the onus here is on Jones, who has managed to side-step all blame for his involvement in team operations and routinely deflect the criticism on his staff and the players.

It should be stated that Jones is notorious for selecting draft prospects and free agents by hand, regardless of the actual needs of his team, and in spite of questioning from his head coach and advisors.

Jones has grown so giddy over the financial prospects and entertainment value of his 'world' that he has stuffed his oily, grubby mitts into the cookie jar so far that they've become stuck.

And as a result, his team has quickly fallen from grace into the cold, dank cellar of the NFC East and the National Football League itself.

Simply stated - the Dallas Cowboys are a joke.

So, Mr. Jerry Jones, we here at WWKRD would like to say to you: You're a Jerk.

Get over yourself. The fans in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex are some of the most passionate in the league. They have tasted titles and greatness, long before you and your traveling circus rolled into town. Roger Staubach and Tom Landry and the like certainly didn't need your shenanigans to get the job done.

It's time for you to weigh what must be an impossible decision, Mr. Jones:

Do you want to put a winning team on the field and step down from the limelight - leaving football decisions to football experts?

Or do you want to hog the spotlight and find new and inventive ways to obtain cash with which to wipe your botox-elasticized bum?

Think long and hard, Jerry. The choice must be awfully hard for you, but for those who truly love the team, it's a no-brainer.

WWKRD knows what it would do.

Back From Sabbatical

We here at WWKRD are excited to be back up and blogging after a much-needed year off.

We'd like to reiterate our committment to bringing you the finest and most entertaining thoughts on the decline of masculinity, the absurdities of the douchebag culture, and various other odds and ends from around the globe.

As the blog's name suggests, no man better exemplifies the sensibilities and macho badassedness of WWKRD than Mr. KR himself, Kurt Russell.

So with our heroic leader in mind, let the madness resume.

WWKRD Man of the Week Award

This week's award goes to none other than Mr. Woody Harrelson, Hollywood leading man, television's favorite bartender, crazy pothead, hippie vegan, and zombie fighter. 

Woody is probably best known for his role as Woody Boyd on the hit sitcom 'Cheers.' He was nominated for five Emmy awards, winning once in 1989. He later broke into feature films with 'White Men Can't Jump' and 'Money Train', co-starring with convicted felon Wesley Snipes.  Woody became an A-lister and starred in films like 'Indecent Proposal', 'Natural Born Killers', 'Kingpin' , and 'The People vs. Larry Flynt.' 

But it's Mr. Harrelson's off-camera exploits that have earned him this week's honor. Because frankly, Woody Harrelson doesn't give a shit. 

In 1983, he was arrested for disorderly conduct for dancing in the street and disrupting traffic. He would later leap out of his police transport, laughing maniacally, and proceed to punch one of the arresting officers in the face, knocking him to the ground.

He is a self-proclaimed former sex addict, was once arrested for planting hemp seeds in Kentucky - a defiant act that challenged the state's marijuana laws, and even climbed the Golden Gate Bridge to protest a lumber conglomerate. 

But it's Harrelson's most recent brazen act that has vaulted him into the upper echelon of WWKRD royalty. Earlier this year, at La Guardia Airport, Harrelson and his daughter were confronted by a rogue paparazzo, who apparently caught Woody at the wrong time. 

Harrelson allegedly pushed the cameraman in the face and damaged his camera, leading to a scuffle that was captured on video. 

And while most men would vehemently deny any wrongdoing, Harrelson admitted that he was simply trying to serve the greater good and prevent catastrophic events from occurring. 

"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland', in which I was constantly under attack by zombies...with my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie." 

That, my friends, is damage control at its absolute finest. 

We here at WWKRD salute you, Woody Harrelson, for your contributions to cinema on-camera, and to zombie-prevention off of it.